you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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