i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
