I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
