Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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