i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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