a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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