In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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