I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
