This girl is more easily done than said...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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