i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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