There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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