Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
