My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
