She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
