Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
