It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Semen is not good for contacts.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
