You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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