We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
