i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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