I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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