you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
