I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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