im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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