lets start a swedish sibling band together
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
