We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
