I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize