One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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