i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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