i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
