Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
