I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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