It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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