Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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