I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
