I'm eating all of the evidence.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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