she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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