this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
