I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize