Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
