Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
True strength comes from lack of pants
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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