I cannot find my penis.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
