I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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