you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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