The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
