I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
