every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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