If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
