I'm going to jail i love you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
