oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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