We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
