I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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