i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I will pee on everything he values.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
