I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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