Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
