forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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