Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you win again, gameday.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
