you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
