I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
