I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
