who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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