Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Are we still banned from the library?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He shit in the fireplace
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