Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
