It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize