Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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