Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
