she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
as a side note pls kill me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
