i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
