I got chris browned last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
