Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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