'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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