Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
