I am spending my child support on dildos
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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