I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
