proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do herpes really smell.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
