He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
