I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
