Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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