Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
