On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
FUCK WHALES
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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