Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
