Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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