On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
