Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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