I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
